Christmas has come and gone, New Year's has come and gone, but winter is still here. Even so, it is still a good time to be alive. Here are some pictures of it as it passed by our house...
Winter also visited our hearts during the past month. Micah and I discovered that we were pregnant and then shortly after, discovered that we were miscarrying. It hurts so deeply to want something so much and then have it taken away. Many thoughts and feelings surged through me very intensely during this time. Many questions followed these feelings like: what does it take to see a miracle? and how does God want me to respond in the midst of a situation like this? During the process one thing remained a constant: He makes ALL things NEW. Even before we knew what was happening, God kept repeating this to me. I didn't know the context of this in the Bible and so I looked it up:
"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
When I read this my heart sank. I wasn't sure how to pray anymore. I still believed that God could do a miracle in my situation...but it seemed that He was telling me He wasn't going to. He was telling me that I should put my heart in the hope of His promise.
As Micah and I drove to get our ultrasound we heard two songs back to back as we pulled off of the interstate into the doctor's office. The first by Jeremy camp: There will be a day (with no more tears, no more pain, no more fear). The second was Steven Curtis Chapman's song : All Things New.
Of course, the ultrasound confirmed our fears and we experienced the tears and pain of this old order of things.
Jesus, please come back soon....this winter is so long.
To the baby we lost:
We love you
We wanted you
You are now made perfect in the arms of Jesus
And so our adoption process continues. We have decided to go domestic and have begun getting our things in order. I am currently writing a letter to potential birthmothers to put on our profile and Micah is making a movie of our family for them to see. We are actually hoping to get a waiting child--toddler age, but would also be glad to have an infant.
We will wait and watch God write our story.
While we wait in this winter we have also had some very fun experiences:
Julianna's first dance performance to "Yankee Doodle Santa" The Sales' family Christmas held at the Ida Grove rec center. We had fun in the pool and my grandpa got a kiss from his great-grandaughter.
Jules and I do some pre-school fun at home...hopefully learning a little bit along the way. Here Julianna is brushing the yellow tooth to make it clean and white