Wednesday, October 3, 2012

One Year Later

Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story—
those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,
 those he gathered from the lands,
from east and west, from north and south.
Psalm 107:2-3

  It's been one year since our lastest adoption process started, one year since we said YES.  Really, it started in our hearts 18 months ago when I saw Peach's waiting child photo.  I didn't think much about it as I read her of many.  But then, when I told Micah about "a little girl" I saw in the waiting list that day tears just started running.  "I don't know why I'm crying about this...I read about 20 profiles today."
  Well, if you know me, you know that when the Holy Spirit speaks to me, I'm just a bawl baby.  You'll know if it was a good church service by the black lines running down my face. God had moved my heart for this "little girl" when I didn't even know He was at work. 
  We decided to ask for more information about this child and found out she had some major special needs.  We fasted and prayed, we heard God say, "Step out." We went to church the next Sunday and heard a teaching on Peter's faith, stepping out.  We heard Britt Nicole's song, Walk on the Water, over and over. 
  We said, "OK, God. We do hear You!"  We sent her file to a medical doctor specializing in internationally adopted children. We received a very bleak prognosis and....

We got scared
We looked at each other and said, "We can't do this, can we?"
  I remember getting in the Jeep to drive to Sioux City that day, turning on the radio and hearing these words from God to Joshua in Deuteronomy 31:6:  So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them.  For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you! He will neither fail you or abandon you.
   I knew those words were for me, but I stayed silent.  This is not a decision that I could make, I needed Micah to hear from God. All summer I prayed, checked the waiting child listing to see if she was still there, used all of the self-control I could muster to stay quiet--letting God speak to Micah.  I am pretty sure he knew what I was praying but... I didn't know that he was praying too. 
  On our anniversary, October 4th, he gave me a poem while we sat at a coffee shop.

...I'll share the last two pages with you (Click to enlarge).

I had to crop her picture per our agency's request.
Still scared at that point? Yes.  Trusting that God is in control and will not abandon us? Yes. 
And, as always, I have to make my Spirit man answer these questions presented to me by my physical man:  Isn't God's will for us comfortable and easy? No. Is it still worth it? Every. Single. Time.
We called our agency right away to say that we would like to pursue the adoption of this little one.  October 10th they told us that there were also two other couples who were interested in adopting her.  They would interview us all and see what family was the best match.  What?!  All summer she was on the waiting child list...waiting for us! Had our obedience come too late?
  Were you just testing our obedience, God? I know you told us to step out for her!  I don't want to compete with other families when there are so many children in need.  
We had our phone interview on the 14th; which at the end, the social worker said, "Well, you are the only family that I am interviewing for P* so I should be able to let you know by the end of the day."  
Turns out one family had changed their mind and the other family became ineligible for the program.  At that point, I just decided that I was not going to fret about a single issue in this entire adoption process.  It was clear that God was making this happen
One year later we wait. We wait in excitement. We wait in fervent prayer.  
BUT we also wait in peace